Comments on Souris Mariage: Mouse's Adventures as Bride, Newlywed, and Best Woman: There's been a lot of heat in the blogosphere this...

What can I say--I love you guys. It's wonderfu...

2010-03-07T16:55:58.248-06:00

What can I say--I love you guys. It's wonderful to have such an open-minded group of people to talk things through with.

And I don't know how to get people to think critically, either, but it's not a bad mission. Maybe that should be the subhead: "Souris Mariage: Attempting to Get People to Approach Their Weddings as Critical Thinkers Who Don't Buy Any Preconceived Notions, Be They From Glossy Mags or the Hip Anti-s."

What do you think? Too wordy?

Ha ha. And xo.

Mouse, you just put your finger on the thing that ...

2010-03-06T20:10:49.048-06:00

Mouse, you just put your finger on the thing that bugs/bugged me most about the wedding blogosphere -- the unwillingness to tolerate variations in opinion. My own pet theory is that the emphasis on "personalizing" our weddings leads us to over-identify with our choices. Hence, if lengthy soul-searching has led us to decide on a goat flower girl, and we read that someone else thinks that's a bit of an odd trend, we freak out and interpret it as an attack on our innermost selves and/or our relationship and chances of marital success.

I completely agree with A Los Angeles Love and lyn about making it clear when we're expressing opinions, and avoiding condemning the people who choose options that we don't care for. There's a difference between saying "I don't care for X, it's just not for me," and "anyone who does X is shallow and silly and a slave to bridal magazine trends." But what frequently frustrates me is how people are so willing to take offense at the former kind of statement! Other peoples' tastes are not an attack on your tastes, or on you personally.

Yes, this. However, we as bloggers also have a re...

2010-03-05T18:31:54.647-06:00

Yes, this. However, we as bloggers also have a responsibility to make it clear that these are opinions. Our firmly held opinions, yes, but that there is little judgment of others' opinions. We certainly need to create an atmosphere of openness. Dissent and conversation are important. Respect is important. Having a safe space to discuss firmly held opinions is important. Not getting offended in the comments is important. (Critical reading ability is important too, for easily offended commenters. But I don't know how to fix that. sigh.)

I feel like I probably deserve this comment, becau...

2010-03-05T18:17:26.631-06:00

I feel like I probably deserve this comment, because I got kind of upset by the small wedding that got posted on a few blogs this week - a wedding that was beautiful and lovely; but that was also held up to us as an example of what we should strive for, or a reminder of what wedding planning is all about. And the problem I had wasn't the example. The problem I had was with the judgment I felt, which may have been because like Miss Fancy Pants, I am insecure about my wedding not being hip or "anti" enough; and because there is all this pressure to have a small meaningful wedding. I think the most important thing about wedding planning to take away though, is what APW said this week: know thyself.

Sigh. As someone who has inspired a lot of hate ma...

2010-03-05T17:37:06.829-06:00

Sigh. As someone who has inspired a lot of hate mail. I applaud this wholeheartedly. People are such insecure assholes sometimes.

Amen. So far no one has wanted to lynch me yet. I...

2010-03-05T17:19:04.103-06:00

Amen.

So far no one has wanted to lynch me yet. I am not that cool apparently.

I consider my first hate mail as my I-have-made-it mail.

Though I probably will cry because I want everyone to love me.

Amen x 7,900. This should be an unspoken rule, tha...

2010-03-05T14:53:45.306-06:00

Amen x 7,900. This should be an unspoken rule, that we all have different goals and opinions and that no one means any harm. Where it gets messy sometimes is when opinion turns into condemnation. Someone might say, "People who choose goats as flower girls are SO STUPID. that is SUCH A STUPID thing to do." Yeah, that I could see being offensive. And rude. This is when we stop reading that blog, or delete that comment. Keep the focus on the harmony, and celebrating all of our different choices!

Yes.

2010-03-05T13:32:47.570-06:00

Yes.

Amen Mouse! Please continue with your animal analo...

2010-03-05T12:53:12.554-06:00

Amen Mouse! Please continue with your animal analogies. They make me giggle with delight!

And a good point too. Let's all support each other regardless of our personal tastes. We should be in this together.

Yep. I think people just touchy about wedding choi...

2010-03-05T12:02:17.881-06:00

Yep. I think people just touchy about wedding choices and there's a tendency to over react.

Here's my thing - I know what is right for me, but that doesn't imply judgment of anyone else.

And I have LOVED every single wedding I've ever been to, even the ones that were polar opposites of what I envision for myself. Because weddings are generally awesome.

A+. Yes. We are not all trying to achieve the sa...

2010-03-05T10:08:42.276-06:00

A+.

Yes. We are not all trying to achieve the same thing and we shouldn't be. That's missing sometimes, from blogger discourse, eh?

p.s. I really enjoy your writing & your style, keep it up!

Definitely a great post! After discovering the wor...

2010-03-05T08:41:13.323-06:00

Definitely a great post! After discovering the world of blogging I frequently came across comments of people offended by a statement in a blog post, yet I was unsure if most people were really this hurt by bloggers or if it was really just an over-reaction. I've never been one to mind other's opinions so I love hearing the disagreements and interesting topics that come up on the blogs, I just hate it when the comment section turns into world war three. Thanks for this post!!!

Great post, I think you bring up a good point. A l...

2010-03-05T07:50:31.322-06:00

Great post, I think you bring up a good point. A lot of us have come to the wedding blog atmosphere in search of something more encouraging than The Knot or bridal magazines. We want to be involved in a community where there's no pressure to have 500 guests, a 4 course meal and an open bar. But for me, the blogging community been a double edged sword. Yes, I'm happy to feel encouraged and away from $50,000 wedding budgets, but I've also felt like I'm not as hip as I should be. Maybe I'm not doing enough DIY stuff, not being eco-friendly enough, or that I don't have a small enough budget. I think the blogging community does have a tendency to judge people who have large budgets or who aren't having DIY filled weddings. The same way that The Knot would judge others for having a potluck wedding. But like you said, we need to come to terms with the fact that we're all trying to achieve different goals. That no two weddings will be alike and that we should just be there to support one another.