Well, there's nothing for it. It's time to recap the first part of the reception. I showed you last week how everything looked. I also hinted that the first half-hour or so of the reception was, well, kind of sucky. I think this is because it was a perfect storm of Stuff I Don't Like, including:

1. Everybody looking at me
I suppose they were doing this during the ceremony, but I was too excited to see He-Mouse to notice. During the reception, I felt a little bit like the bearded lady or something. And people kept wanting to hug me at totally weird times, like when I had just sat down or when my hands were full of utensils.

2. Hearing my new name for the first time
Yep. It totally skeeved me out. Even though I just went with Mouse Mylast Hislastname.

3. Sitting too far away from people to hear them talk
When we arrived at our head table, I realized with total horror that they had set it like the Last Supper painting, in complete defiance of my very precise seating chart. They also switched people around so that I was seated by the best man and He-Mouse by the Maid of Honor. What the eff? Never in my life had I more needed to lean over to The Artist and whisper something about everybody staring at me, and have her tell me something snarky and hilarious, and let the whole thing dissolve in giggles. Instead, I was trying to eat and make polite conversation with the best man, who I REALLY love, but who was so far away I basically had to shout.

4. Directing traffic
Which was totally my fault, since I completely forgot to give our officiant, my Uncle Hank, the copy of schedule and stuff he was supposed to announce during the reception. For some reason, even though I had a big to do list, my brain made an executive decision that the things on there didn't really matter. Um, yeah. GIVE THE LIST TO SOMEONE ELSE. Because, as it turns out, it DID matter that Uncle Hank didn't know we were lighting the candle for my stepdad's memory, and I had to hurriedly whisper to him what I wanted him to announce while everyone was looking at me (see No. 1). It also mattered that nobody knew whose boutonnieres were whose before the ceremony, but, hell.

5. Making my mom cry
My fault again. We lit the candle in memory of my stepfather, and I looked over at my mom's table--and I expected, I don't know, some misting up, but there was some actual sobbing over there. I was frantically trying to keep my mascara on, and, oh yeah, everybody was looking at me (see No. 1).

6. Eating when I'm not hungry/Fake nice people
The Wedding Lady's helper elf led me through the buffet line, and it was at this point that I realized she didn't know my name. "Come over here, DEAR," she said. "Right this way, SWEETIE!" Ergh. Also, the food was good but I was pretty sure I was going to throw up. He-Mouse put away a real dinner, and I managed, like, three bites of squash and some salad and two bites of steak. And felt like I was going to pop out the dress. Remember, it had been over a hundred degrees (if not outside, it was definitely about 110 inside the dress). I hate eating when I'm hot. And everybody looking was not so fun (see No. 1).

7. Realizing a tragic lack of signs
If you have an alternative to cake, micies, you should just know right now that people will try to eat those suckers the second they get through with dinner. Especially if you have a buffet that's sort of near where the do-nuts are stacked up. They went for it immediately, and two or three panicked bridesmaids ran to find me and whisper/scream "THEY'RE EATING THE DO-NUTS!!!!!!" Somebody actually moved the do-nuts, trying to hide them. Mama Mouse, I think, tried to position some do-nut guards. At first, I was like, DAMMIT, don't people want to wait for us to cut the do-nuts? I could've had a nice, classy sign saying "Do-nuts will be served following the toasts." But noooo. I had to completely overlook the magnetic power of do-nuts.

And then I thought, well, fuck it. Let's go dance.

And that's when things started to look up.

(Photos by the always lovely Kelly Rashka.)