And now, a no-secret Secret to a Happy Marriage from our lovely Anna at Anna and the Ring. As usual, her sweetness permeates everything--and she's not married yet, but she's clearly thought about this more than plenty of married couples. Enjoy.
- Walt Disney
When the wonderful Mouse asked me to write another post I again was lost for words. She suggested we talk about a family secret for a successful marriage.
My parents have been married for over 30 years. Bean's parents for over 40. They have completely different marriages and are in love in completely different ways. Sometimes they may want to kill each other; indeed when my brother and I were growing up, we thought they would be happier divorced. However they are still happily together, plotting their escape to France. To paraphrase Jurassic Park, "Love finds a way."
It then dawned upon me, there is no special secret to a happy marriage. Just as there is not special secret to having a happy life. Why? Because everyone is different. What works for my parents is completely different for what works with Bean and me.
I think that is the real secret. There is no secret! Love is not an absolute. Happiness is not an absolute. It is different for everyone. It should not be always effortless and it should not always be hard work. Most of my time with Bean is fun and I can see how that will translate into our marriage.
Whilst there is an article everyday about the couple who are celebrating their 75th wedding anniversary (yes it is lovely and makes my heart warm but is it truly newsworthy?) and thus have knowledge of how to make a marriage work. No, they have the knowledge to make their own marriage happy and do not begrudge the happiness that they have obviously made.
I guess what I am trying is say is that there is no magic spell for a perfect marriage. Although do you really want a perfect marriage? The idea does make me shudder. I don't want to know how my life is going to pan out now. Yes I have a general plan but becoming a family means so much more now.
I am not trying to be an sadsack or debbie downer (if you so like) but I think it is important not to use happy couples' ideas about marriage to helps yours. I'm sure I don't need to tell you, oh clever readers of Souris Mariage (far cleverer than myself), that to emulate is a sure path to failure.
Okay, okay, one piece of advice. Always be prepared to allow an argument to continue on to the next day. It allows you to crystallise your thoughts and whether what you are fighting for is worth it. However, that is only my chosen "weapon" as it is used to outwit placate my oh so clever and sneaky husband to be!
4 comments:
Probably the best secret of all.
To which I add: all of the others have some humor and truth, but when I look back on our 2 year young marriage, this is probably the "truthiest" of them all.
Yep. I'm pretty sure our relationship would not work for a lot of other people, but it works well for us. We have very similar comfort levels for emotional needs (including conflict). My ex and I, on the other hand, had very different comfort levels when it came to stress, arguments, etc.
Ew, I don't want a perfect marriage, either. Stepford. Shiver shiver.
I just want us to figure out what we want and then make it happen!
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