Things a wedding cannot do:1. Change people all on its own. I don't know why I thought that people in my life might stop being negative or passive aggressive or inconsiderate just because I'm getting married. Most of them won't. Most of them will go on being the same people they've always been.*
2. Happen without stress, conflict, and taking time and energy from other areas of your life.
3. Be only about the two people getting married. This one is huge, micies. I'm beginning to understand that what a wedding does is dredge up things which are completely unrelated to He-Mouse and I. Dredge, dredge. Up come other people's issues, looming at us like big hulking icebergs.** Things that have nothing to do with us. My therapist informs me that this is true of all weddings, as well as births and deaths.***
4. Happen without breaks, distances, and separation. Because it is, definitively, about pushing away from the family you grew up with in order to create a new family of your own. This is hard, particularly for parents who still see their adult children as, well, children.
5. Stand in for a marriage. And here is the light at the end of the tunnel: no matter what happens on the wedding day, this is just the kickoff party for the really amazing thing that's about to happen, which is my marriage with He-Mouse and the beginning of our little family.
P.S. By the way, remember the whoooom wedding I went to a few weeks ago? They're just back from their honeymoon, and I got to have dinner with them over the weekend. They look so happy. And their energy was different. Married into one energy, you could say. It was too sweet.
* Which is fine because a) I already have a highly developed set of strategies for dealing with the frustrating people, b) I love them anyway, and c) I also have a number of reliably awesome people around to insulate me from bad vibes on the wedding day.
** Exactly like that, actually, because most of it stays below the surface and just effs things up if you steer to close to that person.
*** Step one on anyone's wedding checklist should be "find good therapist." It pays for itself in the amount of expensive things you won't throw and break in frustration.
6 comments:
Yeah, I'm most excited about that post-wedding marriage energy :) I love that this is just the kick-off/start to the marriage (the part I'm way more excited for :)
Yup yup yup yup yup!
Wedding marriage energy!!! For some reason I'm getting this image of a happy couple holding their fists up in the air, rings facing the sky (a la Captain Planet style) and creating a beautiful, exciting ball of marriage energy. Oh, and both rings get to be "heart." Awww!!!
And Mouse, people will not change. I was sad when I learned this last week, too. They will stay negative and icky and selfish. But you, you will stand proudly with He-Mouse, rings held up high and you will create your own marriage energy. And it will be way powerful. So powerful that any kind of yucky attitudes and passive aggressiveness won't even stand a chance.
Aaaaaaaamen.
Why does a little elf not appear to tell us this about a month (or sooner) into planning?
I am so going to steal the captain planet image!
Your therapist is a smart cookie.
Oh man, you've hit the nail on the head with every point. I am totally experiencing many of these already, and yeah, I kind of thought people would get over their issues to be happy for me. But nope, they haven't, and they like bringing up unrelated issues, and the breaking away is a painful process.
The only offer of solace I can offer you is that I'm dealing with similar things. We're all in this together right? Because in our heart of hearts, we are doing the right thing for our baby families.
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