I've noticed a trend that really creeps me out: it goes way beyond the THIS IS MY DAY fetish, way past the I'M A PRINCESS crazies and targets the heart of our insecurities. It's the idea that whatever is "wrong" with you--be it fine lines, age spots, dull hair, a few extra pounds, bitten nails, not being able to dance--has to be fixed by your wedding day. It's as though there's a giant expiration date stamped on each of our foreheads. Meant to do crunches and tighten up your tummy, but didn't get to do it before your wedding day? Well, sorry, but time's up. You're married now, so you must 1. let yourself go and 2. deal with the fact that you aren't "perfect" in the wedding photos.1. No.
2. None of us is ever going to be perfect in wedding photos. We are still going to be ourselves in the wedding photos. But we will look happy, and in love, and that's the point. (Plus, if we are struck by the zit that ate Manhattan on the night before the wedding, there is this wonderful thing called Photoshop...)
Anyway, this idea has to be the source of all the creepy wedding diet ads that suddenly popped up on my Facebook page when I changed my status to "engaged." I swear I saw one the other day that said "Liquid wedding diet: drop 50 pounds fast!" And let's not dismiss all this as superficial, because losing fifty pounds fast is dangerous and damaging. Also damaging is using our insecurities about being pretty on the day to peddle $300 face creams, heavily chemical treatments, and the whole boatload of other things on the "beauty" pages of wedding websites and magazines.
I want to try out a radically different way of thinking about this that follows along the lines of East Side Bride's wise observation that "Your wedding is not a photoshoot." Sure, I understand the primping--the wedding is probably the most-photographed day of my life, and I do want to look cute. But I also want to look like myself. And I encourage you to look like yourself. You know, the person your groom fell in love with.
And guess, what, wedding zeitgeist: if I don't get rid of one or the other age-spot-freckles, or tighten the tummy before the wedding,* I CAN STILL CHOOSE DO IT AFTERWARD IF I WANT TO, because I will still be a person, dammit.
* I hate crunches. So eff it. Plus, He-Mouse likes my little pillowy tummy. I'm not crunching for you, wedding. You are not in charge.
P.S. AND ANOTHER THING: I just got an email from one of those local wedding event places (you know--"Come have drinks at this hotel while we sell you stuff!!", "Come meet the areas greatest photogs!!", "Enter to win and also can we sell you stuff!") and it said "Your wedding dress is the most beautiful dress you'll ever wear!!"
How do you know, a$$holes? I might win an Oscar. Or model a designer gown. Or wear a reall bitchin Valentino to my 60th birthday party. My life doesn't end when I get married.
15 comments:
Haha! Yes. Thank you. I agree totally. Your groom loves you for you. You should love you for you, too.
mouse, i think i love you.
Oh dear, YES. I also don't want to look back at wedding photos for the rest of my life, wistful about how great I looked on one damn day. I want to look like ME. Fancy me, but ME.
A-fucking-men.
Oh, god, the Facebook ads. I got so mad at those bridal diet ads that I started giving them all the "thumbs down" and listing the reason as "offensive." Screw you, Facebook and liquid diet ads. And screw the bridal magazine ad that told me I wasn't allowed to drink red wine within six weeks of my wedding because it might stain my teeth. I was *planning an effing wedding.* Taking away my red wine would likely have resulted in a homicide or two.
Wait, it wasn't an ad, it was an article on "Bridal Beauty Dos and Don'ts" or some other such nonsense. Regardless, screw you, bridal magazine "advice."
I think this is a great post. This idea of perfection extends to the entire day to most people.
I can understand wanting to look good, or have your wedding be beautiful, fun, etc., but in all probability it won't be perfect. And I've seen people ruin their days over the silliest things that have gone wrong.
Its one day. Plan and prep the best you can and then just relax and ENJOY.
True that.
Also, I little tip about the ridiculous facebook ads...I removed my gender from facebook and now I don't get any "you're fat!" ads! YAY! And apparently facebook is confused and doesn't like this because I always have a prompt asking "Right now your profile may be confusing. Please choose how we should refer to you."
So I recommend removing your gender. Its nice to not get reminded how not perfect I am.
Oh my goodness, thank you for writing this! I know several people getting married (not close friends), and I feel like I am the only person not on some crazy diet/exercise regimen for their wedding or obsessing over hair and makeup. Clearly I want to look and feel pretty, but, yes, I want to look back at my photos and recognize myself.
Exactly, Rachel--and I don't want to feel miserable and cranky from now until the wedding in the name of beauty, either!
PC, I hate those damn tips articles. One of them really did say that the answer to all my worries was Chanel face cream, which is, and I am not exaggerating, $375 for 1.7 oz.
http://www.neimanmarcus.com/store/catalog/prod.jhtml?itemId=prod83680012&ecid=NMCIGoogleBaseFeed&ci_src=14110944&ci_sku=C0760
For crying out loud.
I totally agree with you about the crazy weight-loss deadlines and the pressure to look model perfect (these indie-inspired / anthro-rific photo shoots aren't helping either) on your wedding day and how ridic it is to go to extreme pressures to obtain some unrealistic look (botox, tanning, etc.). BUT I do have to say that, since I want to not look like a total slouch in front of over 100 friends and family and in photos for years to come, I was inspired to participate in a healthier lifestyle than I had before the wedding planning started. I'm eating better (daily fruit and veggies YAY!) and taking vitamins (glow-y skin YAY!) and exericising. I'm hoping it is a lifestyle that I can keep up after the wedding so I can be healthy enough to stay married to my love for a very, very long time.
UVV: And THAT, my dear, I can get behind. xoxo
@petitechablis I do the same thing and mark those ads as offensive. I asked the mister if he gets any of those engagement ads since he also has an engaged status on Facebook. And of course he doesn't.
I love everything you write.
A thousand kisses you wise little one.
Fantastic freaking post. I couldn't agree with you more. I got married about 4 months ago and during the whole planning process I was so disturbed by the number of people who asked me questions about how much weight I wanted to lose or how many times I planned to go tanning before the "big day." I don't do tanning and I'm a perfectly healthy weight. It really started to piss me off. Why would I want to look like a different person on my wedding day?
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