Even apart from wedding planning, I have a very ... um ... selective memory. I think this comes from my job, which involves remembering large amounts of minutiae that help me in one very, very specific area and have absolutely no utility in day-to-day life. So I forget things. Names take me two or three tries. Numbers? Forget it.He-Mouse, on the other hand, is a walking encyclopedia. He remembers everyone he's ever seen, the years in which things happened, the balance of our checkbook,* and how much gas was last time he drove by the station. (To the cent.)
But we are both beginning to experience wedding amnesia. "I thought we decided on an open bar all night!" he gasped at me the other day, in the middle of a cram session involving save-the-date construction and menu deliberation.
"Um...no," I replied, "we decided a soft bar and then a cash bar for people who want something besides beer, wine, or margaritas.**"
"Oh." (little disappointed sigh, the heartbreaking kind) "I thought we decided to have an open bar."
"No, honey. We talked about it three or four times." (If anything, this was a low-ball estimate.) "We decided on a soft bar because it was the only way we could afford the venue."
"Oh. So there's no way to change it?"
Inner monologue as I look down at our finished save-the-dates, complete with venue information: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Out loud, I say:
"No. I'm sorry. That's what we can afford."
"Oh. I wish we'd talked about that before it got decided."
See, I don't think he's trying to make my hair fall out. I think it's just that since I had to make the initial trip to book our venue, I have become the contact person for everything.*** And I'm managing our budget, since it involves money from my parents. I think he just makes the decision and then, blissfully, not only does he not dwell on it but he completely erases the trauma of having to make a difficult decision to begin with.
HOW?
And while we're at it, how do you all keep all your wedding stuff organized? I reaaaaally don't want to have to resort to a Trapper Keeper. But the number of random scraps of paper with phone numbers on them is getting out of hand.
Well, maybe a Trapper Keeper.
* Which we know only because he balances it. And he cleans the humidifiers. In return for which I owe him thousands of yummy dinners. A bargain.
** WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE, anyway?!
*** Plus, I think a lot of people are freaked out by talking to the groom. Weird, right? I mentioned to someone that the groom was in charge of that particular thing, but I would have him give her a call. She sounded scared and confused.
11 comments:
Dude. The exact same thing happened with me and Econo Man! We'd discuss a wedding decision at length, possibly several times, and then the next time it came up he would have absolutely no memory of making that decision. Worse, he would want to argue with the decision we'd *both made* just a few days ago. ::sob::
I kept receipts and contact information in a 3-ring binder filled with folders and those clear sleeves for things that can't be 3-hole-punched.
This happens to me ALL OF THE TIME. He told me he didn't want his brothers to read at the wedding, so I asked if he minded if I asked my nephew. Great idea, he said. Then a month later I found out he did ask his brothers and his stepmother. How many readings do you think we should have before this thing drags on for hours, I asked him. He doesn't remember telling me no brothers. He also keeps asking me why the wedding is costing so much when I have sat him down at least four times to go over all of the costs and I tell how much something costs everytime I buy it (including my dress.) To be sure, he is like this with everything (rent issues, travel details, etc) so I know its not just wedding brain.
True that.
Both of us are having tons of wedding amnesia! Its like we'll talk about it, make a decision and then we both forget about it or just change our minds or just go temp. insane. Its so frustrating the rehash everything.
And yes, I have one of those expandable binder thingies and its AWESOME!
Maybe in addition to that, I'm gonna make a list of all the decisions and then when we make a decision we check it of or both initial it and its done. NEXT!
Haha, oh men. Yeah, the same thing happens with us, only he just assumes that we've already made a decision, I tell him what we had decided and he goes with it. I don't think he's ever been shocked by the answer, he just seems to accept it. Although, if I were sneaky, it would be so easy to change decisions after the fact because he's so forgetful, haha.
As for wedding organization, I have a couple of those transparent storage towers and a drawer for each category (vendor info, stationery, DIY, extra paper, guest favors etc.). They're not the most visually appealing things in the world, but it works.
Q: who are those people?
A: the alcoholics who want hard hard liquor to dull their anxiety about being at a wedding surrounded by a lot of people they don't know.
i'm sure you have lovely friends and family who don't need that kind of fix. but i've seen them before at weddings. and i say eff em, let them drown themselves in beer instead.
Julia: Ha ha. Yep. Or they can purchase other drinks, if they want to. You know, like they would do at any other event.
oh mouse, i think we're leading parallel lives. my boyfriend is the same.exact.way. he remembers everything, and yet, he seems totally surprised by many of the wedding decisions WE MADE TOGETHER. ugh!
I second (or third) the three ring binder solution. No fuss, and I like setting up sections. Just like school!
I do not understand the obsession with the full bar at weddings. I mean, you would not go to a dinner party at someone's house and expect them to serve every kind of drink imaginable. Make do! You can get drunk on wine or beer, if that is your need.
I use myweddingworkbook.com which I found out about on APW.. and it is wonderful for keeping all your contacts, budget, guest list, calendar, etc etc etc organized. Oh, and it's FREE. But I also have a file folder and lots of scraps of paper and my own excel sheet and to do list.. so I'm still not completely organized.
some people (like ME) can't drink beer or wine. just saying. but you're serving margaritas... so there.
Um, I (the bride) had the amnesia. In the last two weeks, LITERALLY everything went in one ear and out the other. Which kind of ended up working in my favor, cause the (now) hubs ended up taking care of a lot of it... but was totally NOT my plan (and a little scary since usually I'm a steel trap).
Definitely do what Jenna said - we kept our list in an excel spreadsheet (we're dorks, it's ok) and would enter the decision in the "Resolution" column.
I had a clear soft plastic file sorter thingy I could carry around. It was great.
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