So. The officiant. Look out, I'm going to talk about religion.*See, He-Mouse and I, we aren't really church people. I was raised Unitarian Universalist, which in my experience means really nice people who are confused.** He-Mouse was baptized Catholic, but that's the last time he was in a church. So when it came time to thinking about officiants, we had three choices:
1. Choose random stranger who might hijack the ceremony and turn it into a church thing.
2. Fly in the family friend who officiated my mom's wedding and my stepdad's funeral (expensive).
3. Find an alternative.
At this point, by the way, I was starting to worry that I was planning a theme wedding. All the fiesta stuff rocks both our worlds aesthetically, but it represents He-Mouse's culture, not mine. I started to ponder ways I could get my Southern roots back in there. And then it occured to us: HANK!
My second-cousin Hank, who is uncle-aged, is a really wonderful bluegrass musician in Georgia. When He-Mouse and I started to make a list of people whose ideas about love and family we respected, people who would counsel us and defend our marriage--you know, all the things a pastor might do if we were church people--we both thought of Hank. He lives with his wife, Susan (who's an awesome artist) and they each make space for the other's independence. They have a whole passel of volunteer dogs and cats, because they take in and feed the creatures that turn up on their doorstep. They care for their aging parents. And Hank has a rockin beard, not to mention a north Georgia accent that will make all my fambly feel right at home.
So that's that! He-Mouse and I are completely confident in this decision. It feels great. We can't have Hank ordained for a day, since Arizona doesn't do that. We'll just go get legally married the day before the wedding and then do the ceremonial bit ourselves.
* This is not to say that I have anything against religion. Like most wedding decisions, I feel this is a deeply personal choice. If you're church people, hurrah for you and I bet the ceremony will be beautiful.
** "Look," said small Mouse to the Sunday school lady at age 7, "Do we believe in God or don't we?"
"What do you think, dear?" she asked with a big smile.
"I'M EFFING SEVEN," I replied.
13 comments:
Awesome plan. And I laughed out loud about little Mouse and the confused Unitarians -- what a nice start to the day:)
My sister and I were kicked out of sunday school when they learnt we weren't actually christened.So the story made me giggle a lot. Glad you've found something that will work for you sounds like a great plan.
This is lovely - your officiant decision and your seven-year-old defiance both.
It should be great. I think getting married by someone who you know and who knows you is key. For some people, that's a religious figure, for others, it's a family member or friend.
I was raised Quaker and D was raised Catholic. Talk about two totally different religious backgrounds.
You know what — I thought of doing that same thing awhile ago but totally forgot about it! Thank you for reminding me.
Your cousin Hank sounds like a very appropriate "minister." How wonderful to have a person like that in your life.
I guess Mr. Beagle and I should brainstorm if we have anyone like that we can ask.
Rachel, you were raised *Quaker*?! Squeee.
Great idea! I wish some of the marriage laws would loosen a little so all states/provinces would allow citizens to choose whoever they wanted. We're struggling with a similar problem since our province doesn't allow the average Joe to get ordained a perform the ceremony.
We had the same problem but found a super sweet UU minister who is doing a *joint* officiant thing with B's uncle, who is our Hank.
Are you in my head? Because this is the exact same problem I've been mulling over, except with slightly different details -- and no cousin Hank.
Happies! You found such a fantastic solution.
I'm effing 53. I hope nobody asks me the same question.
Did you mean that Arizona doesn't let someone not affiliated with a church perform marriages, when you said that they don't allow someone to get ordained for a day? I got married in AZ and our officiant was a friend who got ordained online (he just typed in his name, etc and printed his certificate) & it was all perfectly legal.
yeah. listen to m&m.
i know california lets you be an officiant for the day through the state, but that was a pain the the ass. we had our brother register with the universal life church. they give people ordinations *for free*.
so then he wan an ordained minister, and legally married us. no matter what the state, i'm pretty sure.
I love seven year old Mouse.
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