Okay, so, the infamous dollar dance. Dear Peonies, who lives across the pond from us, had never even heard of the dollar dance until I started whining about it, and (in my opinion) lucky her.* Something about the whole idea rubs me the wrong way: from having to carry a purse around on your wedding day to the implied demand for (more) gifts to the sight of cold, hard cash at a party. I don't like to think about money. Not at all. So I don't want to be thinking about money in such a purposeful way on my wedding day.However, the dollar dance is apparently a big deal for He-Mouse's family, and that's something I respect. Maybe I need a dollar dance pimp, somebody to hold the money, so that all I have to do is dance with dear family members and friends in quick succession for one song. That could be okay.
*The dollar dance, for anyone else who is blissfully unaware, is when people pay a dollar (or several dollars) to dance with the bride or groom during one pre-arranged song. This is in addition to the travel and the wedding gifts they've already paid for, and, as one of my bridesmaids noted, "You do make a sh*tload of money."**
**Extra points to said bridesmaid for the Liz Phair reference.
8 comments:
ehhh... asking for money is weird.
Maybe there's something else important to He-Mouse's peeps?
I've never heard of this either. RETARDED. You are not a stripper.
I think that people who come from families that don't do the dollar dance will never understand the intense need of families that do have the dollar dance. For families where it is a tradition, it's a big, fun, deal.
It totally freaks me out, but if his family feels strongly about it, go ahead and do it if you can handle it. And tell your mom that she can spread the word among your relatives that it is a longstanding family tradition for the groom's fam and your people don't need to feel pressured to participate. It will be fine.
This is one of those wedding traditions that really divides people -- if you've never heard of it before, it sounds greedy and obnoxious (that was definitely my reaction when I first heard about this tradition!), but if it's typical in your area/culture you think it's a fun party game that gives everyone the chance to dance with the bride and groom.
I've seen people float the idea of giving guests tokens or pieces of candy to use for the dollar dance, Mouse. If people want to slip in cash, they can, but that way people can still play the game without having to open their wallets.
I have of course heard of this. It's a hispanic tradition, done.
But (listen hard): YOU DO NOT HAVE TO DO ANYTHING THAT MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE ON YOUR WEDDING DAY NO MATTER HOW MUCH IT MATTERS TO A FAMILY MEMBERS.
And there is a good reason not too. Often (in my experance) you're like "yeah yeah it's important to you, I can get over me thinking deep down its not a good idea for me." And then it turns out your gut knew what was right for you, and then you're unhappy, and then THEY are unhappy, because they didn't want you to DO this thing, turns out they wanted you to WANT to do it, to be HAPPY doing it. And you can't fake that on your wedding day. Nor should you have to.
Your voir dire here produces the correct answer Ms. Mouse. Embracing wacky traditions that are FUN is one thing; embracing traditions that have no personal significance AND that are emotionally discouraging is quite another. No one should have to secretly dread a part of THEIR OWN wedding. You'all should do the one veto and it's out deal, so the things you're left with you both love. Just go ahead and excuse this well-meaning but graceless juror.
-ypb
post script:
And while I'm pontificating, really, don't humiliate yourself and your guests with a dollar dance at the reception. Biblically speaking, that's what The Electric Slide is for.
I was a maid of honor in my friends wedding and thats what we did. Me and the best man invited people to come to the dollar dance and then a line formed and we managed the dance. Took the money, did the cutting in, encouraging (gently) others to the dollar dance, etc.
It worked pretty well!
I'm not sure what we'll do at our wedding because I have the same hangups as you about asking for money...
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